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Class Year

2009

Author Bio

Jason Parker, born and raised for greatness, is an explosive power-pack in the irregular form of a human. This remarkable man spent his early years wrestling tigers and ferocious beasts as training for his adult life. At 18, he began attending Gettysburg College in an attempt to humble himself and keep his heroic feats undercover. He has become an exceptional gentleman known for his quick wit and incredible lung capacity. Among other things, he especially enjoys pink shirts, a good Kleenex and Ultimate Frisbee. He has talents that extend beyond writing poetry, including the ability to clap with one hand, the ability to squirt milk out of his nose (if properly triggered), and most importantly, the ability to survive a double barrel roll car accident at 68 m.p.h. You're glad he's alive.

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